one for me, two for you

{my moment}

My moment from last week doesn't have a picture.

Thursday of last week was the day my engagement ring was to be ready at the jewelers for me to pick up. It was a full size too big and had flown off my hand twice while folding laundry. Finally I wrapped a couple of band-aids around it to keep it on. For something so valuable, on several levels, it was pretty stupid of me to NOT take it in.

Needless to say (why to people type that? if it's needless to say, why say it? i digress...) I was excited to get it back in my possession after several days, so I'd decided I would pick it up on my lunch break. Lucky for me, the jeweler is right around the corner from Aidie's (my five year old) school, so I decided I'd surprise him with lunch. Also around the corner is Taco Bell, one of his new favorites, as well as Alec's. They love the chicken soft tacos and cinnamon twists - who doesn't?!

That kid's face was so sweet when I walked in. Surprise doesn't even do it justice. He was so proud, stunned, beside himself with excitement. He felt so special; you could see it all over him. He was excited that now he had TWO lunches. I assured him it was okay to save the lunch he'd packed for tomorrow and he could eat Taco Bell for lunch, but it took him a while to understand. He finally did though, and gobbled down his tacos, lemonade and cinnamon twists.

More importantly was how thrilled he was to be there with ME. He insisted on making sure I knew all the kids' names and who had been bad and good that morning (they all chimed in to help relay the information).

He kissed me and hugged me and told me how much he loves me, "bigger than the universe, Mom." I asked if he minded if I kissed him and snuggled him in front of his friends. He said, "no," then told his friends to watch as he planted one on me. I couldn't hold myself back from pulling him up into my lap and wrapping my arms around him and reminding him that he's my favorite Aidan ever.

Then I asked him to promise me that he'll never stop snuggling me, even when he's a big stinky teenager and wants to do other things. He said, "No, Mom. I'll never stop snuggling you," then asked, "Mom?" "What baby?" I responded. "Is it okay for me to still snuggle you when I'm a grown-up?" "Of course, baby," I explained, "I still snuggle Mimi." "Oh, good," he sighed, then wrapped his arms and legs around me and squeezed tight.

Yeah, it was tough to go back to work after that.

Speaking of hard to go to work, I have to share a moment with Alec. One I have every morning when I drop him off at daycare. Each morning, I drop off Alec at daycare first, then drop of Aidan at school. I have to actually walk Alec inside the building, and all the way into his classroom. He always wants to hold my hand walking in the building, hold the door for me, push the star button after I punch in the code, and show me how fast he can run down the sloping hallway to his room.

It's in these brief five minutes with me, without the distractions (or mouth) of his older brother, that I get to see his sweet little heart. His gentle and carefree spirit. Once I get him into his classroom, we walk about halfway in near his teacher so I can say good bye to him.

I always bend down to hug him and linger there, squatting, to hold him and watch him and enjoy him for a moment longer. He never wants to let me go, and yet his eyes are watching the room, taking it all in, rather than looking at me. And I love watching his eyes that aren't watching me. I know the moment I leave he'll jump right into play with his friends, but for that moment he seems timid and cautious. It is unique and brave, this moment where he collects himself to see what he's up against that day, while also taking inventory of all the trouble he can get into.

I'm also right at kiss level with those squishy cheeks that still haven't quite lost their baby fat. They're so soft, and right next to his sweet little lips that he puckers and pouts and laughs and lisps and roars with.

Every day. Every day I try to make that moment last as long as I possibly can before saying, "I love you Alec. Bye-see-ya-later (a phrase I believe Aidan began using years ago that's become a family catch phrase). It gets me every time.

Well, that and the "I love you hand." Sigh...

loving

things i'm loving these days:

white wine (i used to be strictly a red girl, who knew?!)

{note glass accompanying fajita creation in Sunday Funday post}

veggie booty

 

the boys love it too! they call them green puffies.

 

green grass and irises blooming (my favorite spring flower)

 

and finding other things blooming from treasures planted last fall!

and little yellow flowers on this delightful broccolini!

 

shellac manicures (okay so i've only had one of them, but i love it!)

 

weight watchers (yup, i'm in the program for the second time in my life, and loving it!) also loving jillian michaels and billy blanks. hey, i've got the will, he's got the way!

my tom's, paired with dresses. and skirts.

poached eggs!

 

watchin' my babies ride bikes (i have pics somewhere...promise!)

family fondue. seriously it's soooo cool!

 
and who says we can't have fondue on a week night?!

what a yummy life!

haiku wednesday

stay focused, self. do

what you love, love it too. make

cake pops this weekend...

Sunday Funday

I know a group of kids (=20 and 30 somethings) who gather for Sunday brunch and call it "Sunday Funday" which is usually a follow up (=sober up) to "Saturday Sin-day..."

This is not that kind of Sunday Funday; it's merely a Sunday I happened to decide I wanted to document in pictures. And so it begins...

We decided bacon, eggs and toast were in order for breakfast, but were out of two of those items, so Marc needed to make what is becoming a "customary" Sunday morning trip to the store. He usually asks all the kids if anyone wants to come.

Aidan was the only taker, and this is how he dressed himself. God love him.

Alec stayed behind to talk on his banana phone while I made coffee and got things started.Now, I'll say that on Saturday, which was NOT sin-day, the stars alligned and I made two of the most beautiful and perfect poached eggs you've ever seen. No gadgets, no gizmos, just a pan and water. I attempted the same thing on Sunday, and was not successful...they got poached, and were edible, but were not pretty. And took forever because I threw out about three eggs. So there are no sweet pictures of our delightful breakfast, because everyone, self included, was so cranky and hungry by the time it was served, it was just time to eat.

Can you guess what our first outing was? Yep, Bed Bath & Beyond to look for an egg poacher! Not only did we find that, we found some adorable little boys for sale. They thought this was incredibly funny.

Next, Garden Ridge to hunt for patio furniture. And might I say, for a garden stuff filled store, they have an attrocious collection of garden gnomes? Give me Big Lots any day. Not even worth a picture. We didn't find any acceptable patio furniture, but we did find a family's worth of recliners.
 
 
 
 
Alec wanted to push the cart. And push it he did...into everything he couldn't see.

 
 We may or may not have allegedly found the papazzan cushions and started jumping into them. But you can't prove anything...I wish I could have snapped this picture a second earlier though, because Marc did a killer cartwheel into the stack.
Next, stop by Bueno for some taco roll-ups, and off to Mod's for gelato, yeah! We LOVE Mod's for a lot of reasons, one being that they have a SELECTION (more than one) of vegan gelatos. Are we vegan? No, but Aidie is allergic to cow's milk and gets left out of all the ice cream having adventures. Except when we go to Mod's.

But someone (not naming any names...Missy) didn't take the time to figure out whether or not they're open on Sunday. I'll save you the trouble, they're not. But we still had fun romping around Boston for a few minutes! Here's Marc and Corrinne's Michael Jackson "wind" moment (yes, it was quite windy).

And the "This is It" moment.
 
And finishing our taco roll-ups.

And back in the truck to head home. Marc, what happened to your aviators? 
Back home, the kids adopted toads (apparently named Marc and Missy), 

Built them a habitat, 

took real good care of them, 

and we enjoyed the quiet inside. 
Then Marc and Aidan made a special trip to the store for dairy free ice cream and some regular ice cream for the rest of us, while I started sizzling some fajitas! 
Here's Aidan playing with his corn.

One of the many reasons he didn't get to enjoy ice cream and whipped cream with the rest of us.  
And Megan, I did NOT partake of the whipped cream or ice cream. I had a small scoop of no sugar added frozen yogurt, and stayed within my points.

Add a couple of munchkin haircuts,  

And you have one epic post, and an epic Sunday Funday.

Here's to wrapping up my Monday reminiscing about Sunday!

 

The Story You've All Been Waiting For

At least, I'll let myself believe that everyone's as interested in my life as I am...

So...you remember my list? #12 says, "Find a life partner that makes me insanely happy, on whom I can lavish all my silly affections."

Well, I've found him. My lobster (you know, you have to imagine two old lobsters in their tank...). He's mine and always has been. He's who I've been looking for my whole life, and at the same time, I feel like our souls have always been together. More about how insanely happy he makes me later, how about I tell you about the night I said yes to a very important question? You got it!

He's got two, I've got two, and between us we've got 4 kids, two exes, two jobs and an insane amount of laundry. We are thrilled when we have kid free evenings and weekends. Last week was a crazy week for all kinds of reasons, and before we knew it the stars aligned, we both got off work a bit early, baby daddy was able to meet me in Stroud an hour early, and baby momma wanted to keep the big kids for the evening, so Marc-alicious started planning date night! He called me at work and told me to grab something "kinda dressy" for dinner when I got home from work (I figured I'd just stay in my dress from work), and grab a change of clothes since we'd "probably be out pretty late and might want to crash somewhere."

Of course it sounds fishy. It's Marc!

We drop the littles in Stroud with their daddy, who Marc nearly mowed down pulling out of our parking spot because he was so anxious to be wherever we were going on time, and peel out headed...west.

Me: Are we going to Oklahoma City?

Marc: No.

Me: Are we going to Dallas?

Marc: No.

Me: Are we going to Kansas City?

Marc: Kansas City is five hours in the complete opposite direction.

Me: I know...just asking...how long are we going to be in the car?

Marc: *checking his phone* About an hour and fifteen minutes.

Me: I wish I would have changed clothes.

Marc: That's why I told you to bring a change of clothes.

Me: *Putting my head down, and shaking it while giggling.*

Soon he turns onto highway 177 and we are officially out in the middle of nowhere. I can't decide if he's taking me to an Amish bakery in the middle of nowhere or taking me out to the middle of nowhere to chop me up into little bitty pieces and feed me to the goats. We did see at least one sign for "show goats" now that I think of it. Did you know there were such things as show goats? I didn't. I've grown up in Oklahoma my whole life and never heard of show goats.

Anyway, fast forward, after stopping for a potty, Frappuccino, and a handful of homemade trailmix because I'm starving, we make our way to Sulphur, Oklahoma, and pass a sign that says, "Echo Canyon Spa Resort," and I think to myself, "Oooooh, self, that sounds delightful! We should go there some time!" Before I know it, we're turning off the road and Marc's on the phone telling someone we're here and punching in a code to a huge swirly iron gate...next to a sign that says Echo Canyon Spa Resort! We're THERE!

We had an AMAZING meal of steak, duck, twice baked potatoes, fresh roasted asparagus (my fave), garlic bread with homemade pesto, a signature salad with the sweetest watermelon I've ever tasted, and light and fluffy cheesecake for dessert. Oh, and their special peach drink, made from peaches from their orchard! Yum!

I'll have to fast forward through the HILARIOUS monologue from one of our waitresses about her in shop class wearing high heels, facial school where she's going to learn how to do a velvet peel that she's not real sure about but apparently it makes "old ladies" look ten years younger, and the "customary" dance of the last people in the dining rooms (they were sure to dim the lights for us).

Then we picked up a second bottle of wine and headed back to our amazing room. I went into routine and to the bathroom to start taking off my eye make up and wash my face. Marc rushed in and said, "Don't do that! It's like you're saying the night's over! Let's go out to the balcony and drink our wine." Okay, okay.

Once out on the balcony, I take a sip of wine and enjoy the cloudless sky, perfect weather with warm air and a cool breeze, and ALL the stars you can't see in the city. Then he says, "So, I've asked you before and I'll ask you again, what do you love about me?" Classic Marc. So I tell him a couple of things, blah, blah, blah. Then he says, "Well, you know I want to be with you for the rest of my life don't you?" I answer affirmatively. Then he tells me some very sweet things he loves about me. He gives me a couple sweet little kisses, which quickly become quicker and less romantic and I start to notice he's breathing a little more quickly too. And I'm thinking, "surely any minute he's going to get down on his knee..."

Then he says, "I'm going to ask you a kind of serious question, and you can answer honestly," and...gets down on his knee...and pulls out a little white box.

Yep.

And opens the box.

But before I tell you what he said next I have to say, when he opened the box there was a light. A beacon of light BEAMING from the box, the ring box. And at first I thought to myself, "he did NOT just open up a ring box with a built-in flashlight, cause that would be cheesy." Then I looked and the ring. The magnificent ring. And I remembered that it was dark outside, and I was really glad it had a light. We lovingly refer to that part of the night as the Mel Brooks moment of the evening; may the schwartz be with you.

It's gorgeous. He's gorgeous, though I couldn't see his face to look him in the eye to tell him, "Yes of course!" after I caught my breath and fought back my tears and took my hands away from my mouth so he could hear me. Then we went inside so he could put that beautiful ring on my finger (which the sneaky boy has had since JANUARY!) because I was honestly too afraid to take it out of the box outside on the balcony in case I dropped it off the rail!

My hands were shaking and I couldn't stop smiling. Our very special moment that will forever change our lives. I should have taken pictures of our meal that night, or the wine, or the road trip down, or the obligatory dance (which was very, VERY sweet)...but I must have known it was all too special to ruin with picture taking. Those will be MY moments, in my memory and heart. But I will share with you pictures from the next morning, when I woke up to sit on that sweet little balcony and admire the breathtaking thing on my hand that tells everyone,

"I'm taken!"

 
 
 
 

And here's a silly little video from my Marc.

Love you baby. What lovely memories from the perfect adventure. I can't wait to make a lifetime more of them with you.

Fuzzy lines, walking the line, and lines you just don't cross

I’ve never considered myself a truly selfish person. At least not one to act on selfish desires or do things for my own personal gain at the expense of others. Sure, I’m selfish in the way we all are, as members of the human race – I feel envy, anger, and occasionally want to rip someone’s head off. I secretly hope I’ll get the best parking spot, first place in line, more money, nicer clothes, and be popular. And yes, I’m one of “those” honkers on the road…sometimes.

In spite of those feelings though, I generally am a giving person, and put others’ needs above my own, and for as long as I can remember I have felt almost desperate to please others and gain approval. There’s a joke (for good reason) in my family that I “do whatever I want.” In actuality, I’ve never made any major life decision without feeling a deep sense of conviction and confidence to do so, and have always wanted to shine in the eyes of my family and friends and make them proud.

When I got separated from my now ex-husband a few years ago, people kept telling me to focus on myself, and do things for me. Some people even used the term selfish, “you know, in a good way…” to encourage me how to make decisions or spend my time. So I did. I did things for me, things that felt good. I watched the shows I wanted to watch, read books, took naps (when I could, which was rare), asked for people to watch my kids so I could go out to movies, and out on the weekends and let loose like I’d never been able to before. I certainly took care of my children, but I did everything in my power to look out for number one.

For the most part, I didn’t do anything particularly reckless, dangerous, or hurtful, but I will say looking back that at some point I crossed the line of the “good” kind of selfish to the “bad” kind. I have watched this in the lives of several friends as well, and learned lessons from both my own poor decisions as well as theirs.

Here’s what I know to be sure: There are some things you just don’t do. Ever. There are lines you don’t cross, ones that you don’t even go near, and ones you run like hell from. You know where they are. I don’t need to tell you. They are almost always the ones that involve secrets, lies, half-truths, and things that don’t really seem like a bad decision at the time. Often these lines surround choices that in and of themselves truly aren’t wrong…but they’ll cost you. And I can tell you they’re not worth the price you'll pay.

You can always trust the Avett Brothers to tell it like it is,

The weight of lies will bring you down, and follow you to every town, ‘cause nothing happens here that doesn’t happen there. So when you run make sure you run to something and not away from, ‘cause lies don’t need an airplane to chase you down. Mmm-hmmmm….

 Chorus from The Weight of Lies, from the album  Emotionalism

Then there’s Paul, who said in the New Testament,

Everything is permissible for me"--but not everything is beneficial.

 1 Corinthians 6:12

You can “do what you want,” but at some point you’ll have to answer for your choices, in this life and the next, and often cleaning up the pieces after time goes by is brutal. Everything has consequences, and there is no way to be selfish in a way that only affects you. As humans we are inherently connected to the people around us, especially our family, children, spouses. The choices you make WILL affect them whether you like it or not. Make sure they're good ones, ones that bring benefit to those you love.

I have found myself in a place of sorting through the last few years and finding true healing and peace in reconciling my past with my present. I own everything, all my choices good and bad. There are a couple of things I wish I could take back, but I’m thankful for a time of discovery and focusing on myself in a way that makes me confident that I know who I am and what I want.

I want peace, honesty, truth, family, true friends, a giving heart, and Jesus. And while I still hold firm to the flight attendant’s instructions that you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before tending to your children, I know now that doesn’t mean you just think about yourself all the time and disregard the needs of others.

I’m done being selfish and looking out for number one and I’m ready to start walking the right line.

We came for salvation
We came for family
We came for all that's good that's how we'll walk away
We came to break the bad
We came to cheer the sad
We came to leave behind the world a better way

Salvation Song by The Avett Brothers

Today

Today I am acutely aware of how blessed my family is and how much we take for granted. Every time one of my children fusses about eating his green beans, or that he wants fish sticks instead of spaghetti for dinner, that this toy or that toy was destroyed by one of the others, or that some great injustice has occurred because the wrong cartoon is on TV I am convinced that we need more exposure to those in need.  When we are giving and praying for others, when we are loving and living sacrificially, it seems there is far less to complain about in this world.

Today I am longing for my journal and intimate prayer with my God, something that was once a regular part of every day.  My soul needs it.  My mind needs it. My relationships need it.

Today, my Momma Lion is roaring, or at least growling. I watched as a neighborhood child picked on my Aidan yesterday, exhibiting nothing less than pure meanness. I watched as he naively defended himself, inciting more taunts, oblivious to the fact that he was the butt of a joke.  It was a small thing, but I don’t like it, and want to put a stop to it.

Today I am warmly surrounded by the love of my Megan, with a beautiful purple scarf brought home for me from Morocco.  So special and sacred is the gift and the friendship.

Today I am tired from staying up too late last night watching a movie with my Marc, then not sleeping well and waking up too early, on Daylight savings.  Wouldn’t trade that time for anything, though.

Today I feel bombarded by a lingering war, tragedy circling the globe, gloomy weather outside, and various nagging annoyances and stresses in our lives.  And yet something in the weather, my surroundings, or friends brings a lull of peace and confidence that everything really will be okay.

Today I miss my babies, their faces and their kisses, and deeply wish I had more time with Marc’s babies. Each one is so, so beautiful, with so much to share and dream.

Today I’m okay that the walls still aren’t painted, the carpet isn’t replaced and the refrigerator leaks.  I’m truly thankful for a wonderful home.

Today, it’s a new day. And tomorrow will be too.

“And it might not be the prettiest thing that you’ll ever see, but it’s a new day.  Awe baby it’s a new day…”  - Robby Seay Band