one for me, two for you

Conversations in the Car Vol. 9

After making first stop and dropping 3 year old, Alec, at daycare...

Aidan: What was that guy’s last name?

Me: What guy?

Aidan: I don’t know!

Me: Well, what was his first name?

Aidan: *frustrated sigh* I don’t remember!

Me: Well, can you describe him to me?

Aidan: He’s the guy that went to the movie with his wife and the bad guy came up and said, “if you’re gonna be president, then I’m gonna kill you,” and he shot him with his gun.

Me: (Not putting all the pieces together yet and confused by the movie comment…) Martin Luther King Jr?

Aidan: No.

Me: (Finally connecting “movie” with “theatre”) Abraham Lincoln?

Aidan: Yeah, that’s it!  That’s too bad that guy got him, but it’s a good thing he’s in jail.

Me: Yes, Abraham Lincoln was a very good man and a very good president.

Aidan: Mom, if you ever run into a bad guy, just call for me. I can kill bad guys.

Me: Oh you can?  How do you kill them?

Aidan: I trip them, and when their gun falls out of their hand, I shoot them in the face.

Me: Wow.

Aidan: Or, if they don’t have a gun, I punch them in the face.

Me: Oh, that’s clever.

Aidan: Or Mr. Marc can get them.  Because I might be at school and he might be with you.

Me: Oh, that’s true.

Aidan: Yeah, Mr. Marc is really strong and he's good at that stuff.

Me: I'm sure he is!

Aidan: Yeah, it’s a good thing we haven’t seen any bad guys around here.

Me: Well, we don’t see too many do we?  (Amazed at how protected he really is)

Aidan: Like the bad guys that killed my other father when he ran into them.

Me: You mean your uncle (this has been an ongoing conversation of clarification that started a few days ago…).

Aidan: Right, my uncle. Those bad guys shot him.

Me: Well, they didn’t shoot him, they stabbed him (realizing this is turning into a pretty gruesome conversation to start out the day), and he wasn’t your uncle, he was mine.

Aidan: Right, and I’m going to hold my star up in the sky and pray for him and he will be there (alluding to some strange story some girl told him in after school care – but that’s a WHOLE separate star post, er…blog…post).

Me: That’s… right… buddy.  Time to get your backpack!

Aidan: (kissing me and getting out of the car, waving, with a big grin on his face) Bye, Mom, I hope you don't see any bad guys today!

 

By now we’ve pulled up to school and I drop him off.  He’s a big boy now and likes to walk in by himself.  He walks all the way up to the door, then turns around and tells me I can drive away now.  One more step to big-boy-hood and one more step away from my little baby.  As Penny Lane would say, "It's all happening!"

Conversations in the Car Vol. 8

Aidan: Mommy, are superheroes real?

Me: Well, no, not really.

Aidan: But daddy said he used to be a superhero.

Me: *battling the urge to tell him what I really think of his dad sometimes* Well, yes honey, all daddies are superheroes.

Aidan: Can they fly?

Me: Some superheroes can fly, but daddy superheroes may have different powers.

Aidan: Oh, I see a superhero flying right now *points to a bird in the distance*! That Daddy Superhero must be batman.  He looks like a jet.  Are jets real?

Me: Yes, jets are real.

Aidan: I wish that jets landed.

Me: They do land, just like airplanes.

Aidan: Have you seen a jet?

Me: Yes.

Aidan: Have you seen one land?

Me: Well, no, but I know they do.

Aidan: I want to drive a jet.

Me: You mean fly? You want to be a pilot?

Aidan: Can pilots drive jets?

Me: Yes, pilots can fly anything that…flies.

Aidan: I want to fly jets so I can pass out peanuts.

Me: *stifling a chuckle* Oh really?

Aidan: Yeah, you know those airplane peanuts?

Me: Yeah.

Aidan: Yeah, those are good.

Me: Yeah, they are.

Aidan: Are robots real?

Me: Yes, robots are actually real.

Aidan: Have you seen one?

Me: Yes, I’ve seen one.  I’ve seen one that can vacuum your carpets.

Aidan: Do they wear costumes?

Me: Well, I guess some could…*racking my brain here…*

Aidan: Or they may not be robots at all; they could be people in there doing electronic body movements (keep in mind this is a four and a half year old talking).

Me: Electronic body movements, huh?

Aidan: Yeah.  Oh look, mom, there’s your work (pointing to a building that’s not my work)!

Me: No, honey that’s not my work.  That’s actually where Grampa Roger works though.

Aidan: Cool!  You work with Grampa Roger?

Me: (starting to get annoyed at this point) No, bubby, I don’t work with Grampa.  That’s not my building, remember?  I said my building is way that way, downtown, in the really tall building.

Aidan: I wish there was a pink building.

Me: Actually, there is a pink building, right up here (nearing St. Francis on Yale at this point), it’s St. Francis.

Aidan: Are we going to go in her house?

Me: Who’s house?

Aidan: Francis.

Me: No, it’s no one’s house, it’s a hospital.

Aidan: Is she in there?

Me: Who?

Aidan: Francis.

Me: No, SAINT Francis isn’t a girl.  He’s a Saint.

Aidan: Are we going to see him?  (I’m pointing to the building now, as we’re passing – he’s satisfied at seeing a pink building)

Me: No, Saint Francis isn’t alive anymore.  He lived a long time ago.  He was a very good man who loved animals and loved God, and he spent a lot of time praying to God and being good to people.  See (pointing to statue near the fountain), there he is there, that statue.  It’s not real; it’s just a statue of him.  He’s dead now.

Aidan: Oh, that’s too bad.

Me: Well, not really, he’s with God now, in Heaven.

Aidan: Is God dead?

Me: No, God lives forever and ever.

Aidan: But Francis is dead?

Me: Well…yes.

Aidan: When is our land going to die?

Me: Well, hopefully it doesn’t die.  Hopefully our land will live forever.  That’s why we have to make sure and take care of it.

Aidan: How do we take care of our land?

Me: Well, we don’t pollute.

Aidan: What does pollute mean?

Me: Uh…it means throwing trash all over the place and putting bad gasses into the air (reeeeaaaalllllyyy glad we’re getting close to school now).

Aidan: Yeah, we should take care of our land.  Mom, I get to be breakfast helper at school today.

Me: Oh that’s fun.  What doest he breakfast helper do?

Aidan: They pass out the milk and the juice and the food, and then you get to wash your hands and sit down.

Me: Oh, that sounds like fun.  (walking him into school and hugging him goodbye)

As I walk him into the gym, bend down to hug and kiss him, I take note of his crusty brown chocolate milk mustache and mismatched socks.  My little boy is growing up.  I hope to never stop answering his questions and listening to his stories. 

And I hope he’ll tell his friends that Mommies are superheroes too.

Conversations in the Car Vol. 7 - Guest Blogger!

Drumroll please...please welcome to the blog Miss Melissa, my dear co-worker and mother of sweet Peyton.  This might qualify as one of the most stellar coversations in the car I've ever heard.  Read on, and enjoy...

So Kyle, Peyton and I were in the car driving home….

Me (while listening to some disgusting rap song on the radio): “Rap songs are getting so vulgar; it really makes me wonder how they are even allowed to be played on the radio”.

Kyle: “They have always been vulgar, I remember some of the songs my friends and I used to listen to and they were pretty bad”.

Pause….

Kyle: Breaks into the song “my neck, my back” by Khia.  In case you are unfamiliar here are the words to the main chorus (he didn’t do any bleeping or swapping), “My neck, my back, my (explicit word for the female genitalia, here’s your hint it starts with a p ends with a y and has uss in the middle) and my crack”. 

Pause….

Peyton (sitting quietly in the backseat taking it all in): “My neck, my back, my gussy and my crack”

We look back and catch him in the middle of some mad carseat dance moves and both die laughing….if you are a parent you know laughter only encourages more.

Peyton: “Hey dadda….My gussy and my crack!”

 

Oh Peyton, thanks for the laughs, buddy!

 

 

Conversations in the Car Vol. 6

Aidan: Hey mom, we should go to Disneyworld and Disneyland

Me:  Oh Aidan, I really want to do that some day.  We will honey.  We will try really hard to do that soon.

Aidan:  Well, why don't we just go?  If we wanna go, we should just go there!

Me:  Because we have to save up our money, sweetheart.

Aidan:  Okay, how about this.  We can just go and walk around and see all that stuff, and I won't ask you to buy anything.  And Alec won't.  We won't ask for any toys or play any games, we'll just go look at everything.

Me:  Awe honey, that's very sweet, but it costs a lot of money to go there, and time.  Mommy has to work, and we have to work very hard and be very careful with money, and save Mommy's vacation time to go to Disneyworld.  But we're going to make it happen!

Aidan:  Yeah we're hard workers; I know we can do it.  We should do it soon!

 

Sigh.  Why DON'T we just DO the things we want to do?  I think most of the reasons are just excuses most of the time, don't you?  It's so simple through the eyes of a child...

Conversations in the Car Vol. 5

Aidan: Hey mom, one time, when you were taking Alec into daycare, a live-dead zombie tried to get in the car.

Me: Oh really?

Aidan: Yeah.

Me: What did he look like?

Aidan: He was all blue with orange stripes on him.

Me: What did he do?

Aidan: He knocked on the window and tried to get in.

Me: Oh wow.  Did he say anything to you?

Aidan: Yeah, he said, (in scruffy zombie voice) ‘Heeeyy let me into your car.’

Me: And what did you say?

Aidan: I said, nope!  It’s locked.

Me: Aaahhhh. Very clever.

Aidan: Yeah, is it?

Me: Is what?

Aidan: Is it locked?

Me: Well not now, no.

Aidan: Was it locked then?

Me: I don’t know, you tell me.

Aidan: Well, do you lock it when you take Alec into daycare?

Me: No, not usually.

Aidan: Then no, it wasn’t locked.

Me: Wow, you really pulled one over on him if you told him it was locked and it wasn’t!

Aidan: Yeah, I said, ‘It’s not locked zombie, you can come in.  See that silver line there (the door handle)?  You just pull that up and open the door and you can come in.’ Then, he opened the door and came in.

Me: He came in the car?  Wow, that’s really wild Aidan!

Aidan: Yeah, he came in and sat right there (points to the passenger seat).

Me: Well, then what happened?

Aidan: He got in, but then there was a spider in his butt and he said, ‘Aaaahhhhhh (screams),’ and got out of the car, and that’s what happened.

Me: Wow.  (In that tone of voice you use when you’re only halfway listening to your kids but you know they need some type of response OR when you’re feigning surprise to get through the story)

Aidan: (laughs) awe, I’m just kidding.

Me: Oh you are?

Aidan: Yeah, I’m kidding about the zombie too.

Me: No way.

Aidan: Yeah, it was all a joke.  It wasn’t real.

Me: Oh, ok, well it was a really good story buddy.  You should tell Mrs. Eakes that story and write it down into a book!  (Or maybe that’s a project for us at home!)

Man, I love this kid.  What an imagination and sense of humor! 

Conversations in the Car Vol. 4

Thanksgiving evening, after seeing the Lights On at Utica Square and doing a drive by of Rhema lights...

Aidan:  Mommy, I'm crying inside.

Me:  You are?  Crying on the the inside?

Aidan:  Yeah.

Me:  Why are you crying on the inside, honey (worried it might have to do with something like missing his d-a-d or something...)

Aidan:  Because it's going to be a lot of days before it's Christmas and I wish today was Christmas, RIGHT NOW!

I guess we're officially past the days where they didn't really know what was going on until I started shoving presents at them the day of.  Bless his heart!

Conversations in the Car - Vol. 3

Alec: Mommy, God have lots of minis?

Me: What, honey?

Alec: God have lots of minis?

Me: You mean money?

Alec: No, mi-nees, like minis.

Me: Honey I don’t know what you’re talking about.  Aidan do you know what he’s saying?

Aidan: No. (wow, he’s helpful)

Me: Alec say it again…

Alec: God have lots of minis, like you have in your purse.

Me: Like this? *holds up a quarter*

Yes.

Me: Honey, that’s money.  Yes, God has lots of money.  He owns all the money in the whole world.

Alec: Because he’s big?

Me: Yes, God is really big.

Alec: Are you as big as God?

Me: No, no one’s as big as God.  God is everywhere.

Alec: Bigger than Dad?

Me: Yes.

Alec: Bigger than you?

Me: Yes.

Alec: Bigger than me and Bubba?

Me: Yes.

Aidan: Alec, you are little, God is bigger than everyone!

Alec: No, Bubba, I’m big.  Mommy are you big?

Me: Well, I’m a grown up but I’m not big.

Alec: So you’re a little grown up?

Me: Well, sure, yes, I’m a little grown up.

Aidan: And Alec, you’re not as little as Jesus.

Alec: Yeah I am!

Aidan: No, you’re not, Alec!  Jesus is zero.  Are you zero?

Alec: No, I’m three (pronounced fwee, of course)!

Aidan: See, then you’re not as little as Jesus.  No one is as little as Jesus!

Alec: I’m a big, big, big, big boy.

Me: Actually guys, Jesus grew up and he’s a grown up now and he lives with God in heaven.

*silence*

I guess you can’t win ‘em every time… 
 
 
 
 

Conversations in the Car - Vol. 2

Prequel:  Pick up the kids from daycare, conversation ensues.  Note: I apologize for taking several months to post this one.  It's a goodie!

Aidan:  Mommy, can we go to Mcdonald’s for dinner?

Me:  No, honey.  Not tonight.  Let’s do grilled cheese.

Aidan:  Awe please mommy; I don’t want grilled cheese.

Alec:  *incoherent whining*

Me:  I’m sorry, Aidan.  We’ll go to McDonald’s another night.  But tonight we’re going home.

Aidan:  But I don’t want to go home!!!  (volume escalating here)

Me:  Aidan, are you arguing with Mommy?  Because that’s not a good choice.

Aidan:  Well, my brain told me a secret about that.

Me:  Oh, it did?  What did it tell you?

Aidan:  Well, my brain (pronounced ‘bwain’ of course) told me that you should always argue with your Mommy.

Me:  Well, your brain (emphasis on correct pronunciation of the ‘r’) is telling you to do something that would get you in trouble.

Aidan:  Well, GOD said that we should always listen to our brains.

Me:  Aidan, that’s not a joke.  *pulling the rearview mirror down so I can stare him in the eye* You don’t make up stories about what God says.  That’s lying.  God says that you should obey your Mommy.  He would be very disappointed to know you’re telling lies about what he says and disobeying your Mommy.

Aidan:  Is he going to break me apart?

Me:  No, honey, he’s not going to break you apart.  (pulling up to the house now...)

Aidan:  Oh.  *pause* Mommy, are you SURE we can’t go to McDonald’s for dinner tonight?

 

Sigh...what am I gonna do with this kid?!

Conversations in the car

On the way to school this morning:

Be reminded while reading this that Alec has a lisp (lithp), and Aidan cannot pronounce his r's (awe's).

 

Alec: “Wahoo!  I’m a superhero, Mom.”

Me: “Really, what superhero are you?”

Alec: “Um, Ironman.”

Me:  “Ironman huh.  What are your superpowers?”

Alec:  “In the movie…[static noise and clicking coming from his mouth]…**motions of lifting something really heavy up above his head**…AAAaaaagggghhhh!  See like that.”

Me: “That’s your super power?”

Aidan: “That’s not what Ironman does, Alec.”

Alec:  “Yeah.  Mom, did you saw that?”  **putting on his gardening gloves and shovel he brought for show and share at school today** 

Me:  “I did saw that.  That’s your super power?”

 

Alec:  “Yeah.  Look mom, farm.” **points to horse pasture we pass every day** 

Aidan:  “Yeah mom it’s like Spiderman and the girl.”

 

Me: “Oh really?” 

Aidan:  “Yeah, he can spin his web and wrap her up and trap her, like all up.”

 

Me:  “Yeah?” 

Aidan:  “Yyyyep!  **eyebrows raised, chomps on granola bar**

 

Me:  “Aidan, are you a superhero?”

Aidan:  “Yep.” 

Me:  “What superhero are you?”

 

Aidan:  “Go-go.  Like a go-go dog.” 

Me:  “And what’s your superpower?”

 

Aidan:  “Trapping people.” 

Me:  “Like trapping bad guys?”

 

Aidan:  “Yeah, I’ll put ‘em in a pan and trap them.  And keep them there for a long, long, long, long, [dramatic pause] LONG time.” 

Me:  “uh-huh, got it.  Cool.”  **bewildered**